Are you loved, or just very useful?

"I don't know what I would do without you." That's a nice thing to hear. Until you notice that the other person manages perfectly well without you when he doesn't need anything.

I am not referring to the natural help between close people. We look for each other, we support each other, sometimes one leads more because the other really can't. A relationship is not measured with a ledger in hand. But I'm interested in the difference between someone who needs you and someone you only exist for when they need you.

When you are always the available person, things can get mixed up. Solve, listen, explain, calm down. You are appreciated and you assume that the appreciation would remain the same if you could no longer do all this. Only the assumption was not verified. Everyone is very happy with you as long as you work.

The awkward part is that sometimes we also participate in the arrangement. Being necessary gives you a clear role. You don't have to wonder what will keep you close if there is always something to repair. Utility gets to offer you a security that proximity, alone, does not seem to offer.

I would not organize surprise tests and strategic disappearances. There is enough theater without us producing it as well. But I would notice what happens naturally on a day when I say I'm tired, that I can't or that I need support. A clumsy reaction proves nothing. A repeating pattern says something.

For me, the question is simple, even if the answer may not be: if I were no longer the person who solves, would we still have anything to do together?