When calm feels suspicious

We say we want peace, then someone appears who answers normally, says what they want and does not disappear so that you will chase them. And something seems to be missing. Suspense, probably. You have nothing to investigate after dinner.

I find it easy to confuse closeness with the agitation that a man causes. When they rarely reply, every message becomes important. When they are warm today and absent tomorrow, your attention stays there, trying to understand the change. You are very concerned about the relationship. This does not automatically mean that the relationship is good for you.

You end up checking a message seven times. A point becomes an attitude, two hours without an answer demand an explanation, and a good evening seems to cancel the whole bad week. From the outside it can look like passion. From the inside it is quite tiring.

Not every intense relationship is a problem and not every calm person suits you. I wouldn't turn silence into an obligation to stay with someone who doesn't attract you. But it's worth distinguishing between the pleasure of being with someone and the relief I feel when, finally, he behaves nicely with me.

I would take seriously what a normal day looks like together. No spectacular reconciliations and no fear of the next withdrawal. Can I get on with my day? Can I ask something directly? Is there still room for other thoughts?

Silence does not have the obligation to impress me every evening. Sometimes it just means that the phone is on the table and I finish my coffee without questioning it.