You're online. But are you here?

You can answer instantly and not pay attention at all. "Yes, yes, I'm listening to you", written between two notifications, does not become present just because it arrived quickly.

For me, attention is very concrete: remembering what matters to the other person, noticing when they sound different today, and asking without already preparing your more interesting story on the same subject. It's not spectacular. That is precisely why it can be easily overlooked.

Sometimes we listen only until we identify a problem that we know how to solve. Then we jump in with the solution. They have not finished what they were saying, but at least we have optimised the situation. We may be technically right and not have been helpful at all in that conversation.

A small question changes a lot: do you want to look for a solution or do you want me to listen to you? It doesn't make me less pragmatic. It saves me from delivering something that no one asked me to do. And let the other person have the chance to say what they need, not what I assume they should have.

I would not turn attention into a permanent program. People work, sleep, have their own worries. A delayed response is not, by itself, a lack of interest. But even continuous connection does not prove closeness. It matters how we are when we really have time for each other.

I prefer a conversation where the phone does not participate in every sentence, even if it is shorter. For once, it can be the only thing left waiting.