You do not have to look invulnerable to be taken seriously
Saying that something hurts does not mean asking to be rescued or giving up your dignity.
It is hard to get close to someone if you constantly have to appear flawless in front of them. At some point you no longer participate in the relationship. You conduct an inspection.
Vulnerability does not mean, for me, telling everything to everyone. Not even to make every discussion a presentation of the things that hurt me. It means that there is someone next to whom I can say "this affected me" without feeling that I have just lost value.
Trust for such a discussion is built. It matters what the man does with a small confession before you entrust him with a big one. Do they listen? Do they keep it between you? Or do they bring it up later in an argument, because now he has useful information? Not every declared proximity offers real security.
It seems equally important to me what I ask for through my sincerity. The fact that I have a wound does not make the other person responsible for all my reactions. I can explain why I got scared or why I misinterpreted something, but the explanation doesn't erase the effect on him.
I want to keep both ideas in the same conversation: I don't have to hide my difficulties, but I don't get the right to hurt either. I can be understood and held accountable at the same time. It doesn't seem like a contradiction to me.
Sometimes the rapprochement begins very modestly: I say what is difficult for me, the other does not run away and does not rush to fix me. You both stay with it for a while. No speech about how strong I should be.