Boundaries work both ways

There are people who explain their limits very well. I know what they accept, what bothers them and when they need space. So far, nothing to complain about. The complication starts when you do the same thing and discover that the regulation has a secret annex.

They need quiet. You are distant. They are busy. You don't give your interest. They call a spade a spade. You have an inappropriate tone. The same action, two interpretations, depending on who benefits from it.

I don't think that every such situation hides a bad intention. Sometimes it's the habit. Sometimes the man does not even notice that he is asking for a permanent exception for himself. The explanation deserves to be understood, but it does not automatically transform the behavior into an acceptable one.

For me, a useful limit tells what I can offer and where I stop. It does not decide what you are allowed to feel and does not force you to agree. You can be disappointed that I refuse something. We can discuss that. But if any refusal becomes a process about my character, the discussion is no longer about the initial request.

Reciprocity should not be forgotten either: if I want my time to be respected, I don't act as if the other person's time is a service included in the relationship. It's a fairly modest rule. That's exactly why it's interesting how difficult it is to negotiate sometimes.

The fence has two faces. I can't ask you to respect it only from your side.