I can do it alone. But why must it always be alone?

I like independence. I like to understand, to decide and not to wait needlessly for others. But there is a difference between "I can do it alone" and "I don't accept to need anyone". The first one gives me options. The second one reduces them quite a bit.

Some habits acquire, over time, the title of personality. I don't ask for help, I don't have expectations, I don't let people get too close. "That's how I am." Maybe. Or maybe that's how I learned to reduce the chances of being disappointed. The explanation is not the same, even if the result looks similar.

I find it interesting the moment when you refuse useful help just because you don't like how accepting it makes you feel. Not because the other person is untrustworthy. Not because the price is too high. But because you would prefer not to have that need in the first place.

Relying on someone involves risk. They may be unable to help, may misunderstand or may disappoint you. But if I eliminate any situation in which this could happen, I also eliminate some rather important forms of closeness. Perfect safety is a bit sparsely populated.

I don't see maturity as a permanent demonstration that I don't need anyone. Rather, I wish I could choose when I do it alone and when I let someone else participate. To be able to ask for something without thinking that I have just surrendered my autonomy.

Even "that's how I am" deserves to be reviewed from time to time. Not everything that has worked for a long time still works in my favour.